Seth Godin’s blog. No instruction manual on “How to Understand A Carlo” would be complete without a link or two hundred to Seth’s blog. So much of what shapes my attitude about the kinds of work I do, how I do it, and for whom I do it comes directly or indirectly from Seth. (I say it like we’re on a first-name basis, haha!!) I could explain my perspective for a week straight about these topics or you could just read some of Seth’s blog and be pretty much be all caught up. How about you? What book, article, album, or other media goes into your user manual? Continue reading Is there a book, blog, album, movie, or other kind of media that would be included in the instruction manual for “How to Understand A [You]?” →

Let’s be honest. I would love to say that morning yoga or a calm tea break during the day or something instagram-able like that was my vital daily ritual. But I rarely do any of that. An outside alien observer would totally guess that the 20-minute window that begins with me taking a shower and ends with me going to bed is the most crucial daily ritual I have. It goes like this: shower, brush teeth, squeegee the shower walls, get into bed, set phone alarm, pray, fall asleep. I literally can’t remember the last time I was at home and didn’t do this. The aliens might theorize that any other order would cause me bodily harm. All my yoga aspirations aside, THIS, really, is my most protected ritual. So the question becomes, how can I make this time more intentional, more appreciated, more rejuvenating? Continue reading If an alien scientist were observing you in daily life, what would it conclude was your day’s most important ritual? →

My wife and I got married not quite 2 years ago. As is customary, we took a moment during the reception to thank and acknowledge our families and all our amazing guests. Weddings, as occasions, are special because people HAVE TO TRY THEIR DAMNEDEST to show up. There’s no other life event with that power. Graduation? Nope. Birth of a child? Nope. Retirement? Nope. Only weddings. So there was this moment as Emily and I spoke that I looked over the room at all these faces, BELOVED faces, that had never been in the same place before that night and would never all be in the same place ever again (my grandmother who’d made the trip from Manila sitting a few tables to the right of my college roommate and a few tables to the left of Emily’s childhood best friends and swimming teammates). I just thought, “Wow. I hope this is what heaven is like.” If I lose all my memories but one, standing with Emily in that room of those people would be the keeper. Continue reading If you could hold on to one memory from your life forever, what would that be? →

Maybe you already believe in miracles. Maybe you do not. But just play along here for a minute because the framing for this question is essential. Pretend you know it’s ALREADY happened in your life. For a brief moment, the impossible became possible for your benefit. When would you guess that was? What moment? What outcome? This is a beautiful question to ask your friends and family members. You inevitably learn about the moments in people’s lives that are filled simultaneously with mystery, gratitude, and awe. Continue reading If you knew for a FACT that miracles were real and that one had already happened in your own life, what would you guess it to be? →

I love lifelong learners and try to surround myself with them. The subject doesn’t matter in the least; it’s the consistent habit of learning new things that counts. Did you just learn how to sew a button? Did you just pick up some techniques for better public speaking? Did you just read about the history of National Parks? It’s all good! ALL of it! I have a printout of the beautiful Merlin quote from T.H. White’s “The Once And Future King”.

“The best thing for being sad […] is to learn something. That’s the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting.”

This is a great question to ask of literally anyone. Your friends, yourself, a potential new hire, your grandparent… This one is no-fail! Continue reading What’s the most recent new thing you’ve learned (skill, process, piece of information…)? →

If a thing travels far and efficiently through the air then it’s called “aerodynamic.” If it travels far and efficiently through water then it’s called “hydrodynamic.” Is there a word for something that travels far and efficiently through time? Would that be “temperodynamic”? Because if that’s the word for it then kindness is that. An act of kindness now just carries forward through the days and years ahead. People don’t forget it. It stays with them, moving right alongside them and influencing moments big and small. It’s like Maya Angelou said: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” So who has been the kindest to you in your life? And how has that kindness influenced your life? Continue reading Who has been the kindest to you in your life? →

I’m a firm believer in the idea that getting to know a person’s hometown helps you understand them on a deeper level. After all, to a large extent, we are the product of our environments. If I had to introduce you to the soul of El Segundo, CA, my hometown, I would take you to: 1) the public high school in the heart of town. It’s got a very old-school 1950’s “Americana” look and for that reason (and proximity to Hollywood) has appeared in lots of movies and TV shows over the decades. That makes the school an interesting mix of old and new. Next, I’d take you to 2) the five blocks of Main St. that constitute our “downtown”, – mostly mom and pop shops, restaurants, and the empty building where they recently closed our branch post office. And finally, I’d take you to 3) the beach. There’s no understanding El Segundo (or me) without understanding the beach. Continue reading If you had to introduce the soul of your hometown to someone in just three places, where would you take them? →

Beautiful question, this one. You want to be acknowledged. In some ways, maybe most of all you want to be acknowledged by yourself. This question invites one moment to do exactly that. Asking it is a gift. So go ahead and give it. (And if your friend is reluctant to answer, ask again. We often aren’t used to answering this kind of question…) Continue reading What is a characteristic you like about yourself that you rarely acknowledge? →

Do you know how I’m crazy? It’s 3:48am and I’m writing about the questions I like for a made-up blog. Dang, I gotta get to bed.

This is a good question though. Ask your friends. Maybe they’re lactose intolerant but eat ice cream all the time anyway. Maybe sometimes (just to check for mind readers) they scream suddenly in their imagination just to see if anyone nearby gets startled.

Always remember: you can’t trust “normal” people. Continue reading How are you crazy? →

There’s not a real “point” to this compare and contrast. I just think it’s an interesting thought exercise.

When I was five years old I so badly wanted the ninja G.I. Joe action figure that had a sword that he could hold in his hand or carry in the sheath on his back. I had dreams about it. Man, it was so cool.

When I was 25, more than anything else in the whole world I wanted to be in the same place already as my then girlfriend (now wife). At that point, the long-distance phase of our relationship had already gone on for 2.5 years and there was no end in sight. (All told, of the first 5 years we were “together,” 4.5 of them were long distance. These days when people ask “Wow – what’s your advice for people in long-distance relationships?” I say, “Don’t do it.” But if you absolutely have to, don’t EVER, EVER go beyond 2 years. If you hit the 2 year mark and you’re both still into it, someone needs to relocate. You don’t learn anything new after 2 years. It’s just painful.)

5 years old vs. 25 years old. It’s just interesting how we change. (You can try this same thought exercise at different intervals if you have the time. 10-20-30… Or 5, 15, 25, 35… Whatever you like.) Continue reading What did you want most in the entire world when you were 5? And 25? →

By now you’ve probably heard of the SUNY Stonybrook study that was featured in a 2015 New York Times article about the questions to ask in order to fall in love with anyone. (Many of the questions appear here on WBQ.) But what you may not know is that the study separated the deep questions into three tiers of increasing intimacy. Participants started with Level 1 and made their way up to Level 3. This question right here is straight out of Level 3. And I happen to think that it’s one of the deepest of all the Level 3 questions. The deepest of the deep! To answer this question you have to 1) talk about something that you never share with anyone, 2) admit that you actually have a desire to share this thing, and 3) concede that you currently don’t have anyone in your life with whom you are comfortable bringing this thing up. Daaaang! Now that is next level. It almost goes without saying, don’t open with this question. Gotta build your way there. Let us know how it goes! Continue reading “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…” How would you finish this sentence? →

When researchers talk about types of intelligence, they will mention, for example, “logical mathematical” intelligence (characterized by aptitude with reasoning, numbers, and critical thinking) or “interpersonal” intelligence (characterized by sensitivity to other people’s moods, motivations, and feelings). There are many other “official” types of intelligence. But if you were to name and describe a type of specific intelligence that you possess, what would it be? I can tell you that my dad is a troubleshooting GENIUS. He can diagnose and then address the root issue in dang near anything: a sputtering engine, a crashing computer, an a/c unit on the fritz. My sister’s longtime boyfriend possesses “food deliciousness intelligence.” Haha. Seriously. He’s not a trained chef and I’ve never seen him cook from a recipe but he has the ability to understand what kinds of ingredients and what kinds of flavors will make something amazing. He can also taste a sauce in a restaurant and if he likes it, he’ll go back home and re-create it from what he tasted in the sauce. It’s crazy! And delicious! What kinds of intelligence surround you? Continue reading What type of intelligence do you possess that could never be measured on a standardized test? →

My friend JB could be a professional friend. Truly. He’s in the major leagues of friendship. He calls every couple of weeks just to catch up. Odds are he’s the one to initiate the email thread to get people together for a reunion. He remember birthdays. He recommends books. If he sees an article or video online that aligns with your interests, he’ll forward it to you or tag you in a post. He comes to visit you where you are — uses vacation days for it and everything. He just prioritizes you as a friend, even with everything else going on in life and the world. And he’s joyful to see you. It’s deeply inspiring. I try to emulate him. It’s my theory that the JB’s of the world are the “friendship glue” that hold larger networks of friends together. Without them, the individuals in any given friend crew would not be as close with all the others. Agree or disagree? Is this a gender thing? Do you know someone who serves this role? Continue reading When it comes to the actual skillset of being a friend, who of your friends is the best? →

Alright. So personally, I’m not that into wine or beer so those kinds of tastings don’t really appeal to me. I’ve never liked cheese and I’m pretty lactose intolerant so cheese tastings are not my thing either. Coffee is nice but I’m not discerning enough of a coffee drinker to get much out of sampling lots of variations of that… But if ANYONE ANYWHERE put together a “tasting” of gummy candies, I would be all over that mess!! All over it. It would be like, “And these Haribo fizz bears are available only in Germany. You’ll notice how different the consistency is from the Lychee jelly rounds we just tried from Japan.” Oh man, I wish that were a thing!!! What would your “tasting” be? Continue reading If you could go to a fancy “tasting” of any kind of food or drink, what kind of tasting would it be? →

This is an awesome question because all the answers involve funny stories. And every single one of those stories is like a feel-good movie with one of the main characters making a 180-degree change for the better. You know the ending will be happy because, well, you know the 2 people ended up being close friends at the end of the day. Continue reading Of all your close friends, who made the worst first impression on you? →

In college I studied abroad for a semester in France. I was waiting for a bus in Toulouse, where I lived, and there was a very little boy – maybe 3 years old – who was also waiting at the stop with his mom. This little boy was completely in his own world, jumping up and spinning in the air and almost doing a full 360. He’d look at one foot while he spun. Then he’d look at the other. Then he’d spin again while looking at one hand held out in front of himself. It was joyful. He wasn’t laughing or even smiling; it was a serious thing he was doing apparently. But it was joyful. At his age, he was still learning and marveling at the sacred machinery of his own limbs. And I just thought to myself, “Dang, little boy. You’re right. It’s a beautiful thing to have our bodies.” Where have you found wisdom in a young soul? Continue reading Who is the youngest person that’s taught you something you’ve never forgotten? →

There are multi-millionaires who feel like they can barely scrape by in life. They’re stressed and anxious about money. If you asked them if they’re rich, they would say absolutely not. This fact is important to remember.

I am definitely not a millionaire but I’ve gotta tell you this: My wife and I were driving home from Trader Joe’s the other weekend and we’d spent exactly $51.92. In the car with us we had red lentils, ricotta cheese, light champagne salad dressing, whole garlic, pizza dough (2 of them), pork potstickers, handmade tortillas, fresh Serrano salsa, pie crusts, lemons, extra large red bell peppers, a bottle of red wine… the list goes on. And man, I just felt – like – a – king. I did. I felt rich. And since then, I’ve noticed that bringing awesome ingredients home to cook up at our house does it for me every time. You’re not rich unless you feel rich. What does it for you? Continue reading What makes you feel rich? →

I’m a fairly strong proponent of not taking yourself too seriously. I think we all need to be able to laugh at ourselves and the imperfections in our institutions. (I think this kind of laughing is closely related to humility.) But some things should be sacred, right? Off limits? I have to be honest, I struggled to answer this question for myself. After a good long think, I could say I’ve never poked fun at either of my grandmothers. And I doubt that I’d tolerate someone else (my own parents, aunts, and uncles excepted) having a laugh at my grandmothers’ expense. They are the matriarchs of both sides of my family. Institutions. (I never really knew either of my grandfathers. Both had passed by the time I was 5 years old.) My mom’s mom turned 90 this past year. My dad’s mom is well into her 80’s. They are sacred women to me. Certainly. Ask your friends this question. In the age of South Park and SNL it’s interesting to know what is sacred in your social circles. Continue reading What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? →

I love the 180 that happens within this very short question. Asking it shows you something about your friend’s perspective, resilience, and sense of gratitude. I’ve put this question in the “Ask your friend” category but you could ask it of literally anyone and get an interesting response.

As an aside, this question reminds me of 2 things. That 17th century haiku that goes:

Barn’s burnt down —
now
I can see the moon.

And also one of my favorite TED talks of all time about humanity’s “psychological immune system” and what actually makes people happy. Continue reading What mistake in your life are you most grateful for? →

Your response has to take into account three main things: 1) your personality, 2) the things you like, and 3) your physical appearance. My friend Nancy and her sister often ask this of their friends and social circles. It’s actually an entertaining road-trip type game to figure out the desserts yourself on behalf of all your friends. Or you can ask them directly and see how they self-select. (When I think about myself, have you seen this mesmerizing 5-star chocolate dessert that blooms like a flower to reveal a delicate pastry/fruit/gelato arrangement inside? Yeah, I’m definitely not that. Milkshake maybe?) Continue reading If you were a dessert, what dessert would you be? →